Don't Wink At Me

My friend Liz is endlessly disenchanted by the Midwestern man’s profile photo. Why do you ask? Because it seems a large majority of them aren’t looking for a girlfriend, they’re lookin’ fer a huntin’ buddy.

Exhibit A:

Okay, I am so fine with hunting. If you want to go out and get yourself a buck or a turkey, I am fine with that. But do I need to see a photo of you with a dead bear carcass, hemorrhaging from the mouth? I don’t know whether to cry, barf or see what this guy’s got going on this weekend.

Exhibit B:

Is that cupid’s arrow lodged in the chest of that 8-pointer? Hubba hubba.

Exhibit C:

Ah, the classic fish photo. I would say upwards of 60 percent of men in Minnesota have one of these posted in their profile. I actually love fishing (drinkin beer and shootin the breeze… what’s not to love?). But if you’re going the fish photo option, I really hope you have also chosen to post a pic or two with you in regular clothes, not wearing a hat and sunglasses and without a fish in front of your chest. Because while a few ladies will be impressed at that northern you slayed last year at the lake, most are more interested in you than your trophy.

Exhibit D:

Eeeeeeeek!

Exhibit E:

Mashed potatoes, stuffing and cranberry sauce comin’ up!

Exhibit F:

Now here’s an odd breed: The tractor guy. I had no idea there were so many of these guys plowing the online love fields, but I’ve stumbled upon a ton of them. Maybe it’s just because I’m a city girl, but I don’t get the appeal (and I even did like that Kenny Chesney song). And even if I did get the appeal, I still am more interested in dating a man than I am a tractor…. so for God’s sake, get out of the damn thing before you take the photo.

Exhibit F, Part B:

Anyhow, this is the epidemic us ladies are facing in the Midwest. I wonder:  what sorts of photos are running rampant in other parts of the country? And guys, what photos do you wish the ladies would just get over already?