Don't Wink At Me

I get it, ladies. Your biological clock is a tick-tockin’. You feel you deserve love, preferably from a respectable, honest gentleman. You’re ready to settle down, make someone happy, have babies and live happily ever after. These are all great and wonderful things, and I say if you’re truly looking for that someone special, no harm in saying so in your online profile (just don’t make it creepy by making it seem like you might be thinking, “You’re a man? You have a face? You’re not married? Perfect, where’s my ring?” Desperation is not attractive.)

I recently stumbled upon a few ladies ready to nest. They said so in their profile, and their words seem very sincere. Take abagi_luv123:

i am looking for serious date leading to marriage

I am such a merry person that one can hardly be bored with me. I am open and honest, as I believe in power of sincerity. Why should we poison our hearts with hatred and anger? I enjoy this life to the fullest, and I treat myself as a creative person. I take care of my health, as I want to create a healthy family in future. I feel like a tender flower in a desert, and I am thirsty. I am thirsty for your love and care. I can not live without feelings, and I see not sense in hiding them. I am very affectionate, and my man will be surrounded by the ocean of my love for eternity. I am very easy-going and sympathetic person. I cannot stand rudeness and violence, as well as cruel and selfish people. I always give first before asking for anything in return. I am sure I will be a wonderful wife, as I adore cooking! I think I already know the way to your heart, dear………………..

You’re right, abagi. Why should we poison our hearts with hatred and anger? And if you’re thirsty, dammit, you deserve a drink from the chalice of love. Take note, guys: This girl wants you to marry her. She cooks and will love you forever with the ocean of her love. And she probably has a sexy accent and adorable broken English (I mean, with sentences like “I can not live without feelings, and I see not sense in hiding them,” let’s hope that’s the case).  Here’s the thing– our pal writes like a future wife, but looks like a one-night stand:

I’ll guarantee this chick gets plenty of emails. From potential husbands? Nah. Douchebags wanting to be surrounded by the ocean of her love? Probs.

Ladies, if you’re looking for a husband, don’t look like a ho.

Here’s another single lady, sweet_trina82, sending the wrong message:
curious ……do i really belong here???
*****if you are 38 and over, please don’t try to connect with me******i’m a laid back type, but goal oriented. Very family oriented. I think that family is very important. enjoy having my own things and not depending on others to give them to me. I work in the medical field. Time is very important, looking for someone i can possible spend my life with…and be my best friend .. A lil afraid of the pics i posted, by no means am I a party freak, i go out when i can…. but when i do, i go hard… will love to stop all those nights spent at various lounges for him.. when he ’s in the picture of course

So many rules broken here. Does this look like a family-oriented gal who’d make for a good babby momma? She posts multiple photos of herself with a dude who is clearly not “just a friend,” who is staring right at those huge tittays. I also am loving how she straight up admits that she knows her photos are inappropes, and that when she goes outs,  she likes to “go hard.” Then ends with a “please save me from myself.” Not attractive.

And our last shout out goes to cancunmia, who’s looking for:
A very respectful GENTLEMAN. Who has a good taste in life and lives with passion every single day.

Hey Mia– If you want a GENTLEMAN, look like a LADY.