Don't Wink At Me

It’s scientifically proven that people with profile photos are 110 percent more likely to get messaged, dated, kissed, whatever (okay, I made that stat up, but you get the point). If someone isn’t posting their pic, it’s a sign they’re A) embarrassed to be online dating B) a real woofer C) have something to hide. All three are big problems. My friend Michael did some investigatory journalism in gayville (or geighville, as he likes to say). Yet another example as to why no photo = red flag.

From the mouth of Michael himself:

So, you know those iPhone commercials? The ones with “there’s an app for that?” It’s true. There’s even an app exclusively for the geighs solely based on hooking up. Like Manhunt on the go. It’s called Grindr.  Basically, it pinpoints your location and shows you the other geighs in your immediate vicinity. You get one picture, a headline, a quick bio and some stats. If you like what you see, you can chat with the dude. It’s quick and to the point.

It’s also annoying.

Saturday night, I was at a house party (yeah, I know…don’t judge). A dude with no picture (WARNING NUMBER ONE) started chatting with me. His chat was this (paraphrasing here):

Down-Low: Hey, sorry to cut to the chase but you looking?
Me: Um, not without a picture.
DL: I don’t do pictures. But I’m very good looking.
Me: Doesn’t everyone say they’re good looking?

Ok, first warning. No picture? You’ve got something to hide. Either you’re not out at work or something else is going down. And, I’m sorry you’re really good looking? I bet Janet Reno would say the same thing. And we all know The Situation thinks he is…so no points there.  Anyway, going on.

DL: Where are you?
Me: Milwaukee
DL: Want company?

This guy was serious and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued.

Me: I’m at a friends, so I’d have to visit you if we hang out.
DL: Can’t have company.
Me: Shame.

Hmmm—no picture and can’t have company.

DL: Yeah.

WAIT A MINUTE–LIGHT BULB!

Me: OMG, you’re married.
DL: I don’t like to text a lot.
Me: That’s a yes.
DL: Bye.
Me: Get back at me when you’re not married.

Dude was using Grindr on the downlow–thus no picture and thus no company!

Just another thing to think about when someone trying to chat you up sans photo. They could be married. And gay, too! Both separately are 100 percent fine. The two combined plus trying to hook-up with randos? Big problem. Huge. The lesson: No pic, no you-know-what.